I used to spend more time finding proof of what was wrong than appreciating what was right. I kept a mental tally (ok actually, it was a notes section in my phone) of every time he yelled—it was a lot, y'all—or the times he didn’t automatically just know how to be a dad or husband…like he’d been here before. LOL.

Basically, every time he didn’t show up the way I thought he should. Tally that shit up! (at risk of current controversies with Ryan Reynolds..dare I say, in my best Van Wilder voice, “write that down”.)

I was so damn busy waiting for him to fix himself that I wasn’t focusing on the one thing I could control—ME.

Eventually, I stopped keeping score. I stopped focusing on all the shit about him that drove me crazy, that I had ZERO power to change, and I focused on me.

I started showing up differently—more communication, less letting his shitty moods dictate mine, and taking ownership of MYSELF. And eventually, the energy in our marriage changed too.

Y'all, this didn’t happen overnight. It was actually a slow (and sometimes painful) process. I made a choice to be patient and wait—but that’s not the right choice for everyone.

And honestly? I wish coaching had come into my life sooner. We spent years in that exhausting space of Do I stay? Do I go?—where you don’t want to leave, but you also don’t want to keep living like this. And the whole time, I was giving all my power away to him instead of taking ownership of myself.

Coaching helped me see that we could have gotten here sooner—whether that meant staying together in a healthier way or realizing it was time to walk away. The indecision was draining as hell.

I had to stop waiting for him to change & start asking myself:

How do I want to show up?

Think about it.  If you’re holding onto the past, or the story that he should just know what you need—or that he just needs to change—you will only stay stuck right where you are.

But when you stop focusing on him & start focusing on YOU, everything shifts.

✨ What if, just for today, you dropped the test & asked instead?
✨ What if you stopped trying to fix him & focused on who you want to be in the relationship?
✨ What if you stopped looking for what’s missing & started noticing what’s working?

Trying to control someone else will never give you the clarity you’re looking for.
Let me say that again: You’ll never find the answers you’re looking for when all you’re focused on is trying to control or change someone else.

But when you focus on YOU—your happiness, your needs, your choices—that’s when everything becomes clear.

PS—Only YOU get to decide what’s right for you. You are your greatest resource. A coach doesn’t make that decision for you, but a coach can help you get clear on what feels aligned—whether that’s working through things or walking away.