JA Biz Town.
The field trip where I let "mom guilt" make my decision. 🤣
Would I do it again if I had another kid going through it? Nope. Was it terrible? Also nope.
I actually got lucky with the biz I was assigned to and a group of kids who handled things pretty well on their own. But... not being with Maren on a field trip? Definitely not my jam.
I'm sharing this as a blog post for anyone who missed my stories about how I had to have my coach literally talk me through why I said yes in the first place...because I think there is a lesson here for all the moms.
Turns out my “yes”, it wasn’t my voice at all — it was guilt. It was the voices around me. The "good mom" narrative that said I should go.
“It’s their last field trip in Elementary School.”
“You won’t get to do this again…”
“It could be the last time they ask you to come...”
“You really should, she will have that memory forever…”
Oof, of course anyone would feel obligated after hearing all of that…
Y’all, I knew zero about this field trip when I OVER zealously volunteered.
Fast forward to last week — I was stressed about how the whole thing worked (i.e. I would not even be assigned to Maren’s group), regretting my decision, and honestly debating emailing the teacher to see if another mom or dad (who was genuinely excited) wanted to take my spot.
But I didn’t. Because guilt kept me frozen. I spent two days telling myself, "Other people will think I’m a terrible mom if I back out."
So I texted my coach.
And she asked me three questions that hit hard:
If I knew Maren wouldn’t be upset if I didn’t go, would I give up my spot?
If I knew the teacher wouldn’t be left high and dry, would I give up my spot?
If I was in a vacuum — no outside voices — what would I say to going?
It was so obvious once she asked those questions... my answer was "no" all along. I’d just let guilt drown out what I already knew.
I did end up emailing the teacher once I got that clarity... but by that point, it was too late to back out. And honestly? It turned out fine. I made the best of it and still showed up in a way that felt good for me.
Even posting this makes me nervous — fear of other moms judging me for admitting this is real. But I'm sharing it for the moms who feel the same way but are afraid to speak up.
My truth doesn’t mean I love my kid any less; it just means I have a different idea of how I want to show up for her (and her brother) than other moms — and that’s okay!
This is a prime example of 'you do you.' We all get to show up differently. We get to decide what’s important to us and what we can let go of — but first, we have to drown out the outside noise telling us what we should want to do or worrying about what others will think.
And if you’ve ever been stuck in that guilt spiral, you know how loud those voices can get.
For me, this was a powerful reminder that I get to decide what feels right for me as a mom — not what other people think I should do.
If you’re feeling stuck in a decision right now, here are some questions to ask yourself:
If no one else knew about this decision, what would I choose?
If I wasn’t worried about what others would think, what would I do?
Am I saying yes because I want to or because I feel like I should?
If this decision didn’t impact how others see me, what would feel best for me?
Am I trying to avoid guilt, judgment, or disappointing someone by saying yes?
What would 'Future Me' — the version of me that feels calm, clear, and aligned — choose in this situation?
Am I sacrificing my peace or values to meet someone else's expectations?
Would I still make this choice if I knew no one would thank me or praise me for it?
If I knew my kid (or partner, friend, etc.) would still feel loved and supported, what would I choose?
What feels like love — for me, for my family, for my peace of mind?
Lesson learned: Sometimes you say yes because you want to, and sometimes you say yes because you feel like you should. Knowing the difference? Game changer.
If you’ve ever let guilt talk you into something, know you’re not alone. The voices around you can get loud. But tuning into what you really want? That's where the magic happens.
Thankful for a mom friend who was in charge of Maren’s job / space - she snagged pics and sent them to me. She was the CFO of the radio station.
Side note on why it was not my jam:
1) Not being able to see Maren in action. I attend field trips to be with her but I did not get a chance to go to her business & see her working. I would have LOVED to have experienced it with her. That was first “oh f” moment for me when I got my volunteer paperwork to sign, realizing I wasn’t even part of her group.
2) I got to see her when she was running around “shopping” & snagged a selfie + a pic of her with a friend.
3) We tried to eat lunch together but the cafe was packed, I ended up standing next to her with my arms pinned to my side shoving an “adult lunchable” in my face while she chatted with friends and kids ran into me trying to get from table to table. I was literally just in the way. LOL.
Then it was back to our own businesses. But I stand by what I said above, I showed up in a way that felt in alignment for me, despite it not being my ideal volunteer situation.
Again, this is my experience of it - another mom may go to this field trip and have a complete opposite story - THAT IS OK! That doesn’t make my story or hers any less valid or true.