Meet the younger, less “aware” versions of us…
Veruca Salt (aka: the emotional child).
The people pleaser.
Guess who WAS who?!
I thought he had my golden ticket to happiness.
And at first, he genuinely wanted to do whatever it took to get me that ticket. He thought his main goal in life was to make me happy.
But EVERY TIME I relied on him to do something to make me happy…it was short lived.
I was never satisfied ENOUGH.
I expected more.
And if things didn’t go my way, I’d get all angry like Vercua. “I want it now!” (Hello unrealistic expectations.)
He kept saying yes, even when, deep down, it was NOT a genuine YES anymore.
Little by little without him realizing it, he was building up & holding in resentment for me in a way that led to him just being angry. A lot.
I thought, if I can change HIM, this can work. So I tried to control his behavior. I wanted him to be less angry. It was obviously “ruining” our relationship. (FYI folks, you can not, I repeat, can not change other people.)
We weren’t really aware that this is how we were showing up in our relationship.
We both blamed each other.
But we also didn’t REALLY talk about it.
If we did argue, it was a shit ton of blaming & yelling, with very little resolution.
Our favorite activity as a couple was to sweep problems under the rug.
It was a mountain of a fucking rug.
We were both miserable & neither one of us realized WE were both the problem.
He couldn’t figure out how to make me happy + he had anger issues.
And I never took responsibility for how I felt.
So what changed?
He realized he was done compromising what he wanted, ALL OF THE TIME, in order to try to make me happy.
And I started taking responsibility for my own damn emotions.
Then there was less tension. Less anger. Not perfect, but WAY better.
And from that place, we were able to be reasonable human beings & talk.
We both realized he wasn’t my golden ticket.
I had it all along.
And as much as I resented him for it at first, he had to stop doing every single thing for me, in order for me to figure that out for myself.
Long story short: Own your happiness. And don’t lose sight of who you are just to please those around you.