A few weeks ago both kids were gone at the same time for camp - I had a call with my coach, we chatted about grief. And moving. During our call, I realized I had been going nonstop for over a month with ZERO time to sit down & truly process the move. Or the fact that I never got to say BYE to or grieve the loss of my “forever” home. YES - it is a thing.
You Can’t Say Hello to the New Until You First Say Goodbye to the Old
I never walked slowly room to room in our home & spent time soaking in that it would be my last time. I BRIEFLY walked down to my gym on our final night but let’s just I didn’t do it how I wanted to. So it was like I didn’t give myself the closure I wanted.
So after my call, I closed my eyes & walked myself through my home.
I sat at the table, in silence. And I visualized movie nights in the basement. Friends or family hanging out at our bar. Kids from the cul-de-sac running all over, making a mess. My wood panel wall with my Christmas decor up (my favorite). Watching TV on the patio. And then I visualized myself walking into every room to say goodbye. Of course, I also envisioned myself doing another workout in the gym. And I let the tears flow.
But it wasn’t until that moment that I think I really started to accept the grief & start to mourn what I left behind.
Grief is defined as the conflicting feelings caused by the change of, or the end in, a familiar pattern of behavior.
Often grief is only associated with death but you can grieve the loss of a relationship or even a life changing circumstance.
So what is helping me continue to process the grief since visualizing my “goodbye” to 31 Countryshire?
I’m aware of my thoughts.
Give myself permission to feel the feels from said thoughts.
I don’t tell myself I shouldn’t be sad over a home or the future I envisioned in that home. Or my gym-office (IYKYK).
I allow it. I give myself a chance to experience it vs pushing it away.
This gives ME some control over my emotions versus letting my emotions control me.
I know that no matter what the circumstance is, in this case, a new home in California - I choose my thoughts. If I accept the way it is now versus try to push it down or argue with what is - I suffer less. Do not confuse accepting the way it is with not feeling all the feels - accepting it IS feeling it but also not creating additional suffering with resisting the new current reality.
Acceptance looks like bringing it back to the present: This IS my home right now.
People often say time helps you move on but I am going to say that yes, that MAY be true but also, what if…what if it isn’t the amount of time that passes but it is what we choose to do with that time? What we choose to THINK during that time. Sure time passes. But the time doesn’t change anything, it is our thinking over time that changes.