Let’s chat about a favorite topic of mine:
Shitty Self Talk
A sweet girl (for real though, who isn’t sweet at a TS concert?!?!) took this pic & handed me my phone back..I looked at the picture & right away, the old thoughts about myself started creeping in.
Look, there’s no perfect world where we’re void of the negative thoughts - even the ones we’ve done the work on - BUT THERE IS MAGIC IN LEARNING TO MANAGE THEM! Yes, I’m yelling at you with love because THIS is the work.
Managing your inner mean girl is some of the best work you can do with a coach (ahem, me).
Coaching helped me see where I was being so damn hard on myself and how to turn the volume down on my inner critic - which was even more important to me when I became a girl mom.
I heard the thoughts coming at the concert but that does not mean I let them stick around.
Instead, I let them pass on by like a cloud but not witout a little internal pep talk to help my brain remember whose boss:
“Brain, that’s so cute you want to offer me those thoughts right now, but the new me won’t let you take over or ruin my night of fun.”
Insert TS brag here: She has created THE best fan base. Compliments were FLOWING and there wasn’t a single person there that we interacted with that wasn’t kind & amazing. Swifties, you are truly the best.
If I’d let any ounce of self consciousness take hold in the past, I’d be ALL UP IN MY HEAD all night - how I looked, not wanting to take pics (or hating every one we took), being more quiet than usual, obsessing over what I ate and not enjoying myself or the people I was out with - but now I can let those thoughts roll on by - just because my brain likes to test me from time to time doesn’t make the thoughts true. Plus this night at TS was not about me or what my brain THOUGHT I looked like in a picture - it was about making memories and having moments with my baby girl. And we did just that.
Look, we all do it. Sometimes we aren’t even aware we’re doing it AND how often it plays out in our lives, especially in front of our little ones.
This is something I struggled with in my own life, so I get it. When I had my daughter something shifted in me. Through some self discovery I started to become aware of the little things I was saying and doing that I could potentially pass on to her. I didn’t want that for me or for her. I wanted to do the work to show up more confident so I did not have to constantly worry that I was passing my own insecurities onto her.
I didn’t want her to hear:
Me constantly talking about a diet or good/bad food.
That I needed to go workout so I could earn my meal on a holiday.
Me mumble under my breath that I looked like shit in the outfit I just put on for the night.
Me telling my friend to delete a picture that I look gross in or “ew, don’t post that.”
I didn’t want her to catch on to:
Me telling her no to something because of how I felt about myself.
Me hiding in pictures.
Me covering myself up because I felt ashamed of my body.
The words matter. She was and is still watching, listening and soaking it all up like a little sponge. I wanted to reframe how I was talking about myself.
Those words may be subtle but they’re there, (sometimes without us even knowing) making an impact on how we carry ourselves and how we show up.
Diet culture was strong for us growing up. Our moms probably tried it all and we took notes.
We watched them yo-yo diet, talking about their bodies & food. This is to no fault of their own. They did the best they could with what they had - and what they had was pressure from society/culture.
And as we become aware that we may be following some of those same patterns, we can aim to do better. (Do not confuse better with being perfect. We’re still humans.)
It’s no wonder we’re in this place as women thinking we’re not worthy if we don’t match what the women on the cover of magazines look like. And whether we realize it or not, for most of us, that kind of thing sticks with you as you grow up. Many of us still live with those beliefs today. And the more we let them hang around, the more likely we are to pass them onto our daughters.
Let me stop here and say, this is NOTHING to feel shame or guilt about - ever - between societies standards, how we were raised, our brains negativity bias & now social media - the odds have been against us - but that is shifting!
And it starts with us. Let’s change how we talk to ourselves. How we talk about food. And exercise. Let’s reduce the chatter.
If this is something you are ready to work on and dig deeper into - let’s chat to see how coaching can help you stop the cycle.